As time goes on..

Thursday, September 2, 2010

job hunting.

Im already sick of seeing 140 on the scale cause now its just going to be another milestone im going to get depressed about . how unfortunate. I ate horribly today, not a lot but just very badly. I was so depressed just cause a few of my good friends are starting school and what not. I'm not going quite yet so yeah... and I'm jobless still. I've applied everywhere. Today I kind of lost hope cause the person was suppose to call me and didn't and I'm doing all this stuff trying to get this job.. like taking food safe Saturday, I canceled a job interview I had today cause it would inconvenient for them if they had hired me for me to just take the first Saturday off. I have an interview tomorrow though for a job that pays 16.90 an hour... but I get call shifts but I'm okay with that.

oh and I did go to the gym last night. I'm so out of shape.

Wish me luck!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Sweet Tooth

Dream Legs (width not length of course!)

Today, I was kind of bummed... So I ran into my kitchen and ate my feelings... two bites of cheesecake.. :( Poo . although half way through the day i realized I hadn't eaten anything else... which was odd, I didn't even have hunger pains.. :) brilliant.. but I had about 10 cherry tomatoes.. and my friend brought me icecream... my favorite.. could not resist. FUCK.. and i thought he would be mad if I didn't eat it... andddd what else.. oh I had some corn on the cob.. NO butter... thats grosssssssssss... oh and he also brought me a bag of candy but i ended up giving him 15 of the 20 pieces cause they were all ones I didn't like.. and just now I did something stupid and at a slice of cheese cake.. although it is a very small cheese cake.. like smaller then a dinner plate.. I still feel guilty.. hmpf. Today was a very sugar filled day.. besides food I applied to a safeway close to home, and im hoping for the best because I really really really really really need a job and want one.... it will give me something else to focus on besides weight loss. Apparently my mother is making me go to the gym with her.... I hate the gym but I love it... Have not been in a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng while.. I guess its good for me.. and it can only be a positive. Perhaps no food tomorrow.. perhaps.. perhaps..

Ill stop rambling now..

Thursday, August 26, 2010

eating to live, not living to eat

I've finally calmed down. I hate 2 meals today and Granola bar... and I may have unfortunately given into my sweet tooth, and got a kids scoop of ice cream, but honestly this is a big step for me. Usually I can eat and eat and eat.. and honestly I wasn't even hungry when I had my tuna and crackers ( barely any mayo cause that shits nastyy !) the crackers are like low fat something something.. so I'm pretty pleased, and the only reason I ate the first meal was because it was my sisters birthday breakfast at a nice restaurant and it was unfortunately Delicious.. oh also snuck a few cherry tomatoes.. but those were SO good. tomorrow I will be better I promise. All and all I'm feeling pretty damn goood. Although, I wish I never did step on the scale today. I got outta that habit , and it was a hard habit at that... I wasn't even trying before cause yeah, I did give up. It feels so good to say good byee too 145 for once, I hope to never see those numbers again. 130 here I come!!

Today's Noms
Calinfornia Benny from Milestones. I had like 5 cube potatoe bits from that.. and I didn't eat the bacon obviously cause i'm a veg..well pescatarian, if you must be specific)
Tuna and 7 Crackers.. Little - no mayo :)
Fibre 1 bar
5 cherry tomatoes
small ice cream...

goodnight 140 pounds, hope to see you tomorrow but not for long!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Time to Focus

Its been so long since I've been on here... Wow. I missed you all so much ! I really did need this site. I know i said that before. but now I really do . School is over for me... and I'm not going to College until Winter.. so I have so much time to focus on what I want and all I want is to be thin. Lately, all I can notice when I walk around is peoples bodies and its so frustrating some times when I see a skinny girl cause I just wanna tell her how lucky she is and how much I want to be her. Apparently I've lost weight according to Mr. Scale.. maybe because I've started to keep a journal of my journey to skinny and its really helped. The reason I think is because when I eat during the day I think about how much I wouldn't want to write that I ate (for example) a doughnut and a bag of chips. Hopefully, all will go smooth in the next few months and I will get to where I want to be.

Its so good to be back... <3

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I couldn't do it alone.

I don't even know what happened.. I stopped coming on here and as a result I ballooned to a massive size. its horrible and its summer. And I have no excuses anymore school is over. its time to focus on the task at hand or forever be a lard ass..

All Ive eaten today is a strawberry..and i haven't seen a scale in a month.. or even seen the inside of a gym for that matter........................................
lately Ive been hanging out with these two girls, and they have absolutely perfect bodies, its almost annoying being with them cause I know when guys look at us.. there actually just seeing them, and wondering why the fuck they are walking around with a hippopotamus by there sides..I would know, I think the same thing.

Ive failed..but will crawl my way back to success step by step.
Hopefully by August I will hit some sort of goal weight for California :)

Monday, May 24, 2010

im backk... again..again.

sorrysorrysorry. I havent weighed myself for a month.. out of fear. cause for the least 3weeks . ive just eaten everything and anything, and have just made some really stupid choices..

I'm going to the gym today.