im backk... again..again.

sorrysorrysorry. I havent weighed myself for a month.. out of fear. cause for the least 3weeks . ive just eaten everything and anything, and have just made some really stupid choices..

I'm going to the gym today.

Motivation

I found a pair jeans that are too small. I plan to fit into them by the end of june.

Catching up..

this morning was more or less terrible. I walked into my room just outta the shower looked in my mirror and saw my fat arms hanging over the towel, and the fabric stretching around my fat body. Safe to say i smashed that image into a million peices. I destroyed that mirror till it was in a million peices. I told my parents I just accidently fell into it. My hands are pretty messed up but that will go away, the cuts will be a reminder of what I dont want to see.

and now i am back for good . I messed up pretty bad without you guys . I ate horribly and I regret it.
I haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks and 3 days... I have been doing some activity but baseball is never enough.

the only plus to these last few weeks are : the grad walk, and I got my N . So now I can go to the gym whenever I want without having to wait for a parrent.

anyways, guys I have a lot of blogs to catch up on !

im alive..

sorry , ive missed out on so many blogs.. its be almost 2 weeks.. sorry sorry sorry . I was so so so busy.
and I also have not evn been going to the gym or anything..

my grad walk went sweell. !

a little bit depressed.

yah . that self esteem high. gone. out the window. imploded into a million peices. I have not gone to the gym since Monday, and in that time I have had baseball but thats just not enough excersise. I had to go to my friends play this evening and tuesday night. so ive been rather busy. I feel like a fat lard.. today's eating wasnt so bad, but I have thesee strange after nap binges..
Breakfast: Two slices of toast one with nutella and one with peanutbutter and honey.. 260
Lunch: nothing
Snack: Beans and rice.. and a cookie.. not sure how many calories..
Dinner.. Sandwich with THREE peices of bread cause my parents got it from a resturant... and I ate almost all of it ugh. I just want my fatass to just fall off now.
Desserts : 2 cookies, and an icecream sandwich.. ugh. killl me.
Punishment tomorrow no food.. whatsoever.

Eff. and this guy keeps wanting to hangout adn I dont think he knows how fat I really am.. i hate to be a disappointment. but i know I will .


I just want to cry.

Grads in 7 days...

self esteem high

I'm feeling pretty good for the last couple of days, schools been good, bodies feeling good..not looking good but feeling good. just kinda happy for once right now. I'm really all about skinny arms and legs, even though skinny legs with a fat stomach aint to hot either.... but yeah main focus arms and legs!

im going crazy..

wow, im a loser. I've started a collection of skinny girls in mostly clothing advertisements.. haha , especailly in the latest american eagle advertisement, and this girls bod is gorgeous.. I will be there one day. I seem to catch myself constantly just staring at girls with skinnny bodies, and I've started to judge everyone else's bodies and eating habits, i dont konw if im a terrible person for this or not.. hmm. Today, I'm feeling like crap, but still feeling pretty good. My Grandma on the weekend said I looked like I had lost weight, and that I looked good. I'm kinda sad I didn't make it the gym this evening, but I was watching my friends in their one acts (drama class shows) it was good . Minus I had a super huge headache so it was kinda hard to concentrate. Food wise today was decent. I did not go over bored. everything I ate was very minimal...
Breakfast: Toast with a skim of peanut butter and honey 130
Lunch: none
Afternoon snack: Banana
Dinner: 6 mini spanikopita triangles 150
Dessert: mini icecream sandwich 90
Settle down the grumble snack : 6 slices of cucumber with some cheese and tea :)

I hope all you ladies are doing lovely ! ♥