bread. you bastard.

I hate effing bread so much ! it sucks i always always always eat it even though I shouldn't. like today I had a spinach and feta crioisant, and 2 slices of tear apart cheese bread and i had toast in the morning. blah . today was decent minus the bread. I had toast, a quakers chewy bar, coisant a 6 crispy mini's ayam, bread, icecream sandwich, and now im juist ahving tea. I'm thinking instead of all these different diets and failing them im just going to stick to calorie restriction therefore if I eat bread I will not be able to eat much that day at all . I got some yummy things from the grocerie store that will make my life so much easier. I got thinsations cookie packets i think its 100 for each packet. , some crispy mini sweet chilli 12=90cals. lots of fruits and veggies. I'll cut down on milk. drink more water hit the gym lots and lots and just all around watch my calorie consumption . i'm thinking 500 calories a day . thats 100 cals for each meal. breakfast lunch snack dinner and dessert . i got the cutest little 90 calorie icecream sandwiches that are like realy mini there so cute ! so yeah i'll be sticking to 500 calories a day!

baseball was fun today
I certainly hope I can do this!

fails all around

I want to purge cause I binged so badly today.I wouldn't actually I love my teeth to much for stomach acid to ruin them but boy oh boy do I feel so fucking disgusting and I have no control, I hate weekends theres to much time spent looking in the fridge or just floating around my kitchen . today was just bad . adn yesterday was bad cause of all you can eat, I didn't eat like a huge amount but it was alot. And today I had a peanut butter on toast with honey drizzle(160cals) then I hit the gym for a good hour and half a bite of a macdonalds cone(50cals?) fries!(150) but I shared them with my mom and I was driving so she ate most of them, then I had icecream at my moms work (270) I knew i should have gone for the 100cal fruit one but I couldn't control myself. then I when i got home I had pasta with rosemary spices and oil and shrimp(300?) then I had some puff things, like cheese and spinach they are 130cals for 2 and i ate 6 and that equals 780 calories just now ! omg... im not eating tomorrow I dont give a shit if I have baseball and I'm dying. I do not deserve it at all. todays total = 1720 cals...Kill me...

First game tomorrow :)
fuck me. im a failure.

dont want to talk about yesterday...

I want this..

sunny days.. :]

Its a lovely lovely day outside :) after all the hail and wind and rain yesterday. even though yesterday turned out pretty nice too! I'm wearing my pretty yellow racer back shirt, but I will not be showing off this cause my big fat arms hang out of it...I'm always in sweaters and jeans even in the summer time. its no fun. Ofcourse im in jeans 365 days of the year just cause my legs are hella ugly from sports. haha. I weighed myself this morning rather then tonight because I know after tonight I will just come home and be highly upset and I don't want to feel that way . I'm going to all you can eat sushi. I don't usually eat a lot but I definantly will watch what I get . I usually only do miso and some rolls anyways. I won't eat for the whole day either (we're going at 930) its harder to fill a very empty stomach I discovered. I'll remember the tricks and tips I read in someones blog :] (skinnyflavour.blogspot.com) "a drink of water between every bite" today is an easy day for me to not eat cause I have two less classes where people can hear my stomach growl. sorry I'm just ranting . but im kinda happy right now . but wait I forgot. 7 day gym membership that was free ranout last night, and my parents don't want to get me a membership. I love that gym I don't feel self concious there cause theres no one there I know, and you can stay on the equipment as long as you like.. :(

I haven't had baseball in forever.
keep control.....keep control

Starting Saturday.. :) GM Diet

I will be starting the GM diet Saturday . I'll keep you posted. It will work better for me then the faast seeing as I have sports to play and with low energy I can't preform well. Sorrry ladies :[ I may jump in at some point though! :D

I WAS doing good..

fucking eff me. I was doing fairly decent all day. I didnt eat anything just stuck to my tea. and then near the end of the day people just got to me . I had a lollipop (60cals) and a spoonful of tomatoe basil soup.. not sure how many 2 mabes? and then I came home had more tea. didnt eat anything. had a mini creme egg! (40cals)thankgod there all gone now. even though i ate them... went to the gym couldnt do the best workout due to lack of energy and a headache. came home and fucking ate ate ate ate. I had rice and chop salad (vegetables finely diced) then I had a peice of sour dough with peanut butter and honey . Eff my life. And tomorrow im going to all you can eat sushi... sushi is my kryptonite. its horrible. ohwell I think ill do dinner only plan for a little while dont eat till dinner dont eat efter dinner kinda deal............UGH . oh and i went on the scale ! i couldnt stay away not even for a day. I'll just pretend it never happend..

fucking failure
tomorrow will be good.

stolen

I stole an idea from a blogger I follow. And i think to safe myself the grief im going to post weigh in days. mhmmmmmmmmm.