so disappoiinting...

I worked my ass off at the gym adn burned 500cals. and only ate 600 today..
came home to do my weight in and im still at 147...
eff my life. I suck. I think i'll go eat now . cause I ain't getting any smaller.


UPDATE...849pm
So I went and ate.. but I got a calorie reduced burger so it was only 440.. and just a bottle of water.
I suppose the world wasnt built in a day... but hopefully 3 weeks. thats all i have to get into atleast an okay looking form for grad... really really going to be restricting hard..

fuck
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

sunshine on a rainy day..

not to bad not to bad. I ate a lot but it was in very small amounts. all in all I ate 560cals .. and then for some odd reason I ate some cake, but i did a bad thing and threw it up anyways. but there is still some in there i know it . probably about 150cals... but i was researching calories burned during baseball and its around 593 for 2 and half hours and thats what we did tonight. so I waws actually -33cals. and then I drank gatorade at baseball 180cals for the whole bottle but i only drank 2/3. after any sport my dad always makes me eat a protein so I had two eggs on one slice of toast and a juice box.. its about 380cals. and thats it . i had to peee so bad the whole game and when i came home and my tummy was so flat. Drink lots of water! and watching ANTM is the best thinspo ever!
and damnnnnnn , my friends want to go out to breakfast tomorrow . but thats all im going to eat for that day is the oatmeal and fruit... its 410, and a oatmeal fills you foreverrrrrrrrr and then im going to the gym that night to burn it all off ! hhaha last minute workout ! (biggest loser :])

I really want good results for thursday
I think I may have an icecream bar... 90cals its mini!

favoritte app!

just a little heads up ! theres an app if you have an i touch thats called lose it! and it keeps track of calories for you. I love it . and excersie. I used to use it before and i forgot how much I love it! :)

UPDATE my day after baseball !

UHOH

im getting bored and the fridge is calling my name ! I'm going to look at my victoria secret catalog and at the bathing suite I really want and these thinspos!

la la la !

Today, was not a bad day. There were a few cheats.. but I did have baseball practice today, and I walked around a lot today. I started off my morning with a grande peppermint soy latte (starbucks) there so yummy ! minus I have to learn to drop the peppermint cause its 20cals a pump, but its not milk its soy so its actually 70 cals less the it usually is. Anyways, that was about 190cals, then I had a bit of cheat becuase I made my friend a cake, but I only had a sliverrrrr just a little taste about (100cals) then I came home and 6 cherry tomatoes its about (5.6cals) , and then I had some jello (100cals) and then I cheated again and had some cheese bread . Kyptonite I swear! >:| it wasnt a lot i split it with my mom and she got the bigger half so about 100cals then I napped to keep myself away from food, got up and had a few crispy minis 6 so 67.5 cals. and then I went to baseball we did a lot of running and batting so i probably burned about 250 cals? and then i came home had a 1/3 cup of yams and a slice about 2 bits of tofu chicken.. so about 80 cals! and now im chugging back the water , still a bit hungry but I will survivve. today is a happy day . I have not touched the scale. I usually check it every hour... but im waiting till thursday!!!. I can hold off im sure. todays total = 643.1
and if you minus the 250 im at about = 393.1 ?

I'm going to bed partially hungry.
I really need to read my book!

I could be somebody...

I really gotta get my ass in gear if I wanna have a good weigh in on thursday!

I want to throw up !

everytime i look at myself I want to throw up, up, UP.. FUCK . i bought all this calorie wise food. and I was doing alright, and im going to the gym but I hate hate hate myself so much . fuck. i just feel like crying, and just smashing every mirror in my room . I'm disgusting. I started my day off with a small green apple (72cals), and then I had my cookie thinsations (1oocals), but then the soup that i have been wating for a month was for lunch today and I had to get some I couldnt stop myself. Im such a fail. FUCK. it was potatoe and cheese (im gunna say 300cals) no salt or anything and I don't eat bacon, So i didnt eat any of the bacon bits. and then I came home and stuffed my fatass face. I came home and had Jello (100cals), a slice of cheese bread (200) and I stuffed my face with cake . cause Im making a cake for my friends birhday tomorrow and I just stuffed my face with the left over peices! EFF. like 5000000calories . HATE MYSELF. I NEED CONTROL SO BAD. EFF.

i'm going to the gym and im going to push myself till i throw up!
throw it all up!