dont want to talk about yesterday...

I want this..

sunny days.. :]

Its a lovely lovely day outside :) after all the hail and wind and rain yesterday. even though yesterday turned out pretty nice too! I'm wearing my pretty yellow racer back shirt, but I will not be showing off this cause my big fat arms hang out of it...I'm always in sweaters and jeans even in the summer time. its no fun. Ofcourse im in jeans 365 days of the year just cause my legs are hella ugly from sports. haha. I weighed myself this morning rather then tonight because I know after tonight I will just come home and be highly upset and I don't want to feel that way . I'm going to all you can eat sushi. I don't usually eat a lot but I definantly will watch what I get . I usually only do miso and some rolls anyways. I won't eat for the whole day either (we're going at 930) its harder to fill a very empty stomach I discovered. I'll remember the tricks and tips I read in someones blog :] (skinnyflavour.blogspot.com) "a drink of water between every bite" today is an easy day for me to not eat cause I have two less classes where people can hear my stomach growl. sorry I'm just ranting . but im kinda happy right now . but wait I forgot. 7 day gym membership that was free ranout last night, and my parents don't want to get me a membership. I love that gym I don't feel self concious there cause theres no one there I know, and you can stay on the equipment as long as you like.. :(

I haven't had baseball in forever.
keep control.....keep control

Starting Saturday.. :) GM Diet

I will be starting the GM diet Saturday . I'll keep you posted. It will work better for me then the faast seeing as I have sports to play and with low energy I can't preform well. Sorrry ladies :[ I may jump in at some point though! :D

I WAS doing good..

fucking eff me. I was doing fairly decent all day. I didnt eat anything just stuck to my tea. and then near the end of the day people just got to me . I had a lollipop (60cals) and a spoonful of tomatoe basil soup.. not sure how many 2 mabes? and then I came home had more tea. didnt eat anything. had a mini creme egg! (40cals)thankgod there all gone now. even though i ate them... went to the gym couldnt do the best workout due to lack of energy and a headache. came home and fucking ate ate ate ate. I had rice and chop salad (vegetables finely diced) then I had a peice of sour dough with peanut butter and honey . Eff my life. And tomorrow im going to all you can eat sushi... sushi is my kryptonite. its horrible. ohwell I think ill do dinner only plan for a little while dont eat till dinner dont eat efter dinner kinda deal............UGH . oh and i went on the scale ! i couldnt stay away not even for a day. I'll just pretend it never happend..

fucking failure
tomorrow will be good.

stolen

I stole an idea from a blogger I follow. And i think to safe myself the grief im going to post weigh in days. mhmmmmmmmmm.

guilty as charged.

I think i weigh myself like 7-8 times a bloody day . today was just an all around bad bad day.
I ate and ate and ate...and ATE! jesus. no self control whats so ever. im disgusting. still at 145 thank god, but it wont be around for long if i keep this up! Today I ate in order. A banana(107) for breakfast like I always do just cause it keeps my stomach quiet for my first two classes cause they are quiest thinking classes and if i dont have it my mind boggles, and my stomach growls (very embarrasing) then I found another fucking creme egg in my purse the big one! (160cal.) then I was fine when I came home , but then my friend came and picked me up and I had 1.50 in my pocket. and me+money+friend+timhortons= one chocolate chip muffin(430cal)! jesus...and now that ive discovered this I will never ever touch another fucking timmys muffin again. then I had 2 strawberries(5.4cals), a bowl of cantalope(108cals)then I had half a slice of cobs sour dough bread with cheese... Im not sure exactly how much but im going for (250cals) then I had eggs on another peice of bread(330cals.) ANOTHER MUTHERFUCKING CREME EGG(160cals.) ( there gunna be the end of me) oh and a juice box (90cal) lets tally this up... 1550.4 calories with no form of excersise was so ever. I should just go get my fucking jaw broken , I feel so guilty. FUCK .

I will not eat tomorrow. I will not eat tomorrow. I will not eat tomorrow!
gym tomorrow. gunna push real hard.

Scale keeps telling me no :[

So today was pretty bad, I had a lot of cheats! I started out good cause I had a banana for breaky. but then I found a 1.25 in my purse.. and I went and spent it on food ! A peice of banana bread to be exact. And then in English I had a mini oreo :( After school I had a half a peice of Sour dough bread and cheese and some fruit, and then I had a mini creme egg! :( (GOD I CANT KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT!) I decided to occupie myself from getting bored and eating so I decided to dye my hair. Its black now with an indigo shine :) At 6:00 I hit the gym with my mom. Did 20 minutes of weight lifting and what not then 5 walk 15 job 5 cool down. then I went on the elyptical did 15 straight getting in about 3500 strides. 167 strides a minute.. I think . I still came home and had MORE FOOD. a small bowl of veggie pasta and spinach salad... and I just had another fucking creme egg. eff easter! its haunting me! but im almost out anyways... :) I didnt have that many to begin with but they were still eaten by me. Ive yet to see 141 on my scale again.. hopefully by the weekend. I wish some boy would peak my intrest so I could really get this transformation going then I would have two things to work for instead of just one. I need some motivation!

First Game tomorrow. Super nervous
141...141 just chant it with me