job hunting.

Im already sick of seeing 140 on the scale cause now its just going to be another milestone im going to get depressed about . how unfortunate. I ate horribly today, not a lot but just very badly. I was so depressed just cause a few of my good friends are starting school and what not. I'm not going quite yet so yeah... and I'm jobless still. I've applied everywhere. Today I kind of lost hope cause the person was suppose to call me and didn't and I'm doing all this stuff trying to get this job.. like taking food safe Saturday, I canceled a job interview I had today cause it would inconvenient for them if they had hired me for me to just take the first Saturday off. I have an interview tomorrow though for a job that pays 16.90 an hour... but I get call shifts but I'm okay with that.

oh and I did go to the gym last night. I'm so out of shape.






Wish me luck!

Sweet Tooth

Dream Legs (width not length of course!)

Today, I was kind of bummed... So I ran into my kitchen and ate my feelings... two bites of cheesecake.. :( Poo . although half way through the day i realized I hadn't eaten anything else... which was odd, I didn't even have hunger pains.. :) brilliant.. but I had about 10 cherry tomatoes.. and my friend brought me icecream... my favorite.. could not resist. FUCK.. and i thought he would be mad if I didn't eat it... andddd what else.. oh I had some corn on the cob.. NO butter... thats grosssssssssss... oh and he also brought me a bag of candy but i ended up giving him 15 of the 20 pieces cause they were all ones I didn't like.. and just now I did something stupid and at a slice of cheese cake.. although it is a very small cheese cake.. like smaller then a dinner plate.. I still feel guilty.. hmpf. Today was a very sugar filled day.. besides food I applied to a safeway close to home, and im hoping for the best because I really really really really really need a job and want one.... it will give me something else to focus on besides weight loss. Apparently my mother is making me go to the gym with her.... I hate the gym but I love it... Have not been in a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng while.. I guess its good for me.. and it can only be a positive. Perhaps no food tomorrow.. perhaps.. perhaps..

Ill stop rambling now..

Just some skinny girls to stay focused!

eating to live, not living to eat

I've finally calmed down. I hate 2 meals today and Granola bar... and I may have unfortunately given into my sweet tooth, and got a kids scoop of ice cream, but honestly this is a big step for me. Usually I can eat and eat and eat.. and honestly I wasn't even hungry when I had my tuna and crackers ( barely any mayo cause that shits nastyy !) the crackers are like low fat something something.. so I'm pretty pleased, and the only reason I ate the first meal was because it was my sisters birthday breakfast at a nice restaurant and it was unfortunately Delicious.. oh also snuck a few cherry tomatoes.. but those were SO good. tomorrow I will be better I promise. All and all I'm feeling pretty damn goood. Although, I wish I never did step on the scale today. I got outta that habit , and it was a hard habit at that... I wasn't even trying before cause yeah, I did give up. It feels so good to say good byee too 145 for once, I hope to never see those numbers again. 130 here I come!!



Today's Noms
Calinfornia Benny from Milestones. I had like 5 cube potatoe bits from that.. and I didn't eat the bacon obviously cause i'm a veg..well pescatarian, if you must be specific)
Tuna and 7 Crackers.. Little - no mayo :)
Fibre 1 bar
5 cherry tomatoes
small ice cream...

goodnight 140 pounds, hope to see you tomorrow but not for long!

Time to Focus

Its been so long since I've been on here... Wow. I missed you all so much ! I really did need this site. I know i said that before. but now I really do . School is over for me... and I'm not going to College until Winter.. so I have so much time to focus on what I want and all I want is to be thin. Lately, all I can notice when I walk around is peoples bodies and its so frustrating some times when I see a skinny girl cause I just wanna tell her how lucky she is and how much I want to be her. Apparently I've lost weight according to Mr. Scale.. maybe because I've started to keep a journal of my journey to skinny and its really helped. The reason I think is because when I eat during the day I think about how much I wouldn't want to write that I ate (for example) a doughnut and a bag of chips. Hopefully, all will go smooth in the next few months and I will get to where I want to be.


Its so good to be back... <3

I couldn't do it alone.

I don't even know what happened.. I stopped coming on here and as a result I ballooned to a massive size. its horrible and its summer. And I have no excuses anymore school is over. its time to focus on the task at hand or forever be a lard ass..

All Ive eaten today is a strawberry..and i haven't seen a scale in a month.. or even seen the inside of a gym for that matter........................................
lately Ive been hanging out with these two girls, and they have absolutely perfect bodies, its almost annoying being with them cause I know when guys look at us.. there actually just seeing them, and wondering why the fuck they are walking around with a hippopotamus by there sides..I would know, I think the same thing.

Ive failed..but will crawl my way back to success step by step.
Hopefully by August I will hit some sort of goal weight for California :)

im backk... again..again.

sorrysorrysorry. I havent weighed myself for a month.. out of fear. cause for the least 3weeks . ive just eaten everything and anything, and have just made some really stupid choices..

I'm going to the gym today.